I recently met with a new client who came to see me after receiving some advice from another family lawyer that just didn’t sit right with her. There was nothing particularly unusual about her circumstances although the advice she received was extraordinary! The client was a stay-at-home mother aged in her mid-30’s. Her ex-husband was a tradie also in his mid-30’s. They had a couple of young kids and a dog. Their only real assets were a bit of equity in the family home and some superannuation.
 
Like many couples transitioning through a separation, they found themselves living separately but under the same roof. They had married young and although they had fallen out of love, they remained friends. They recognised that their living circumstances (though temporary) weren’t an ideal situation but they both got on well enough to make it work (and importantly they were able to avoid exposing their kids to conflict). They had talked how they were going to sell the home and had agreed on what the parenting arrangements would look like once they lived in their own homes. Then the family lawyer stepped in….
 
Like many people this client had never had any contact with the law or lawyers (other than a brief encounter when she and her ex-husband had, in more happier times, met with the local solicitor to when they purchased their family home). She went to see a lawyer for some general advice. This particular lawyer had a reputation as being a tough fighter! Just the sort of lawyer the client thought she needed to see to make sure she was getting the right advice. What happened next was extraordinary.
 
After the client explained her situation they lawyer advised her:

“You need him out of the house straight away…I advise everyone in your situation to throw his things on the front lawn so that when he comes home from work he sees them. Ideally, you will want some neighbours around, you’ll need a witness. When he confronts you inside the house make a lot of noise, leave it a few minutes and come running outside crying and screaming ‘he hit me’. One of the neighbours will call the police. They’ll arrest him, slap him with an AVO. And there you have it, He’s gone!”
 
Fortunately, the client had the sense to politely thank the lawyer, pay her bill and leave. Had she followed this “advice”:

• The couple’s plans to sort things out quickly, amicably and inexpensively (which had to that point been working well) would have fallen apart.
• Both the husband and the wife may have faced charges. They could guarantee that they would be spending the next few months in and out of Local Court, potentially spending thousands of dollars on legal fees.
• The children’s relationship with both parents could have been significantly damaged and the children could have been exposed to significantly high and potentially volatile conflict.
• The husband and wife would probably have ended up in the Family Law Courts causing a further deterioration in their relationship and both of them incurring significant legal fees.
• Had the couple ended up in the Family Law Courts the wife’s actions could have resulted in her receiving a very negative outcome in respect of the future parenting arrangements.

 
The moral of the story, when you are going through a crisis like a separation it can be really important to seek quality advice. Getting advice from a good family lawyer CAN help you to avoid costly mistakes BUT remember: this is your life. This is your family. When you matter is a distant memory for the lawyer, you will be living with the outcome. If the advice doesn’t sit right with you, get a second opinion. Don’t get trapped into doing things that do not sit right with you.
 
A final thought:

• As family lawyers we are professionally obliged not to enflame or encourage conflict
• The tough lawyer doesn’t get the best outcome. Family Law just doesn’t work that way!
• Separation and divorce are difficult enough; you don’t need to be compromising your standards to make someone else happy.
• A “successful” separation or divorce allows separating couples to develop positive post-separation parenting relationships where they can work together in their kids’ best interests.
• Conflict costs: financially and emotionally…